


Agatha Heterodyne and The Fair Dinkum Blue

by herdthinner



Series: Tales of the Pauper Princess [4]
Category: Girl Genius
Genre: Gen, Major Original Character(s), Original Character(s), POV Original Character, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:46:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4078513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herdthinner/pseuds/herdthinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part four (and the last!) of the "Pauper Princess" series, a desperately AU blend of my guys and the Foglios' guys.</p>
<p>Part 1 - Agatha and her Amazing Friends won a trip to the magical kingdom of Guildern and met Princess Mouseheart, and uncorked her very-suppressed Spark.<br/>Part 2 - Agatha hosted the Princess and her family at the Castle. Mayhem and new branches to the family tree ensued.<br/>Part 3 - Agatha tries her hand at mentoring and teaching The Way of the Trilobite... with mixed results.<br/>Part 4 - this story right here. WAR with a land down under has begun. Should be a curb stomp for New Europa, amiright??</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The End and Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> “This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment.”
> 
> Any resemblance to any real nations and/or continents down under is entirely coincidental and poorly-researched,** unless articles on Cracked.com somehow count.
> 
> **Mostly just poorly-researched

\--------------------

Agatha sat slumped on the plush sofa in the waiting room, cradling her tankard of ale. Her large shock of hair in the front had lost any perkiness and needed to be repeatedly brushed away with a free hand. Sometimes she missed and pushed her glasses askew. Eventually she grew weary of this and removed them, letting them clatter on the wooden table. They were given a brief examination for any damage before she slumped back into her seat.

There was a quarter of a tankard left. She downed it in a gulp, then reached for her refill jug. She had refilled the tankard with it twice so far. She debated just drinking straight from the jug, then decided in favor of a modicum of dignity and started pouring. Halfway through the refill, her fellow Emperor, Tarvek Sturmvoraus, appeared in the open doorway. He had started to speak as a way of announcing himself, but stopped mid-word. Agatha topped off her drink, then lifted it to Tarvek as a form of toast before raising her wrist again. Tarvek glanced at the jug, which was flanked by bottles of varying amounts of liquid, frowned, and fully entered the room.

"All in one sitting?" he said. This was no celebration, in spite of the victory that would ordinarily inspire one. She was drowning her sorrows, which was neither her nor his custom. The jury was still out on the customs of their fellow Emperor, Gilgamesh Wulfenbach.

Agatha grunted her reply, then drained a third of her potent potable. More would have been drained, but for Tarvek covering it with his hand and gently but firmly trying to pull it away. She managed to keep a good hold on the handle, and resisted.

"I see," he said. "All in one sitting, it is."

"Shut up," she muttered.

"And we see the effects in play, too," he said. "Honing the repartee to razor-keenness." She blew razor-keen raspberry at him. How else to respond but with a needle-sharp eye roll? "Getting drunk? Really? After everything you've been through, and survived, and conquered, and flourished from, and-"

**"Shhhut. Up."**

Tarvek did, momentarily. He put one hand behind his back and used the other one to cover a cough before pulling out his favorite pocketwatch, checking it, then dropping it back into his pocket. A way of focusing his response rather than seeing what time it was.

He next spoke with an uncharacteristic gentleness. "It wasn't your fault."

"Aaaa, ssweet lightning, will y' please leave??" she slurred, almost knocking over a near-empty bottle. "Did Zeetha put you up to thish? She already tried a pep talk. And Gil. And that woman that... Great, I can'even remember her name. And she'ss my ssecretary! I'm done with pep talks. Maybe I j'st _wanna_ be depressed and stoopid for once!"

"Consuming that much brew _is_ a way to get there," he said. "Or unconscious, or dead. You're not a drinker, Agatha. You have to stop. Now."

Agatha slumped forward now. Both hands wrapped around the tankard, partly to steady herself. The rest was for drama. But at least she was not drinking from it. "I wunner out," she muttered. "Gone. Away." She almost took another swig, then stayed her own hand. " _Dead_."

"I doubt that the ale will accomplish that for you," he said. "Its effects are systemic, after all. You know the consequences of her 'going away,' even if, in your stupor, you don't care. But everyone else does."

She scoffed. "Shpark's already most gone. Lose the rest? Fine, why not. _Take it all!_ "

" _Agatha_ -" he began, and caught himself losing composure. She did not need this, not now. "It's not only... that. The more we try, the more she fights. You could lose your sanity, lose your memories, even basic motor control! Or any combination of those, plus any effects we're not aware of. Possibly death. You might be in a state right now to accept any of those, but we—But I can't."

" _Don' care about those... those... perdicshons anymore!!_ " she slurred. " _Prognosisses!_ "

"Prognoses."

"Shut up!"

"All right, that's _enough_ ," said Tarvek. This time he yanked away her drink, causing half of it to splash on the front of his trousers. Agatha growled at first, then burst out into a cackle at the unintentional slapstick. He pulled out a handkerchief and began wiping his trouser leg.

"I'm glad that's put you in a better mood," he said. "Meanwhile... you're right. We should never have-- We'll renew the research. We should never have let it fall away. There's something we've been missing, but it _will_ be found. I never should have-- I'm sorry, Agatha."

She attempted a smile, but only made it halfway. "Washn't y'r fault," she said.

"Actually," he said with a sigh, "It was."

She dredged up memories from her besotted mind, then nodded. "Mmph. Yesh, y'r right." She slowly pushed aside her tankard and stood up. Shakily, but she managed to be mostly vertical.

Tarvek held out a hand. "Come on. I'll walk you to your room. You'll need about twelve hours of sleep for this, I suspect."

She accepted his assistance, and then stumbled - perhaps unintentionally, perhaps not - against him. He gently steadied her, which she found hilarious somehow, and escorted her to her quarters on the airship. Once inside the room, she went limp beside her bed and poured herself onto it. She allowed – or more likely, set up - Tarvek to move her limbs into something resembling a comfortable sleeping position.

****

Twenty minutes and no sleep later, Agatha rolled out of bed and stumbled to her doorway. She rested her head against the frame and waited for the dizziness to subside. The massive headache would come along a bit later. She still had the presence of mind to be aware of that. The cure for it being more alcohol, of course.

A world of Sparks running things for centuries on end, and no one had managed to come up with an instant cure for drunkenness. Even the common cold was a relic of the ancient past. Agatha added finding a cure to her To-Do list. After getting rid of _her_ , that is.

Agatha used the narrow corridors of the airship to steady herself. There was someone she needed to see, though logic would dictate to wait until she was of a greater sobriety, but logic was boring and stupid and nobody liked it. She found the room she needed. The door was open, and she knocked a little too quietly on the doorframe before peeking her head inside.

Two beds were in this small room – a hospital room, in fact. Agatha was traveling on the medical airship for reasons other than her own recovery. All of the fleet's airships were crowded to capacity, thanks to the circumstances of their victory. That this room had only one occupant was rare.

Agatha thought she might have happened upon the wrong room. The woman on one of the beds was a stranger to her: gaunt, hollow-eyed, her skin an ashen paleness. There were sores and small cuts on her hands and face. Circling her neck was a rash about the width of Agatha's own choker, though the woman wore nothing around her neck. Her hair was long and thin; at one time it might have been luxuriant and elegant, but there was no sign of that now in that wild mess of stringiness. Even sitting on the bed – knees up and tight to her chest, one arm wrapped around the legs – the woman was unsteady. There was a jerkiness to her motionSWEET LIGHTNING.

Agatha had not recognized her own cousin. The horrible realization tightened her throat. From the doorway, she watched her cousin poking idly at the contents of a wooden box on the bed. From what Agatha could see and hear, they were just bits and bobs of spare parts and other junk, like a Spark child's first toybox. For some reason her cousin had no tools in hand. There was only idle and aimless pushing around of parts, and unintelligible muttering. The medical chief had only cleared her cousin that morning for visitors – before then, not even Agatha, Her Ladyship Most High, could visit. Agatha had not seen her in three days, not since first boarding this airship. They were enroute now to New Europa. To home.

Her cousin's chief assistant, Heather – her cousin disdained the term "minion" – was the only one in the room who reacted to Agatha's knocking. Heather said nothing in greeting; she set down the periodical she had been skimming, and watched Her Ladyship enter.

Agatha attempted a smile at her cousin. She didn't even glance up. "Helloo," said Agatha quietly. Her cousin snapped up her head before Agatha even finished the word. She had no expression to start with, but would not take her eyes off Agatha.

"H'llo, Heather," said Agatha with a slight nod and wave. Heather responded with only a slight nod. Agatha was still slurring and not entirely steady. "Mara? 're you up for a visit?"

"Your Ladyship?" said Heather. "Are you well? You seem-"

Agatha waved it off. "J'st a little, ah... a 'buzz,' I think they call it. Heyyyy, Mara. I j'st wanted to..." She paused, looked down, took in a breath, and tried again, this time with greater effort to enunciate clearly. "I came to see how you're doing. I heard you may receive visitors now. And... And..."

Agatha took a few more unsteady steps forward. Heather debated getting up to steady her, but then heard a noise from her Lady. It was soft, but clear: a whimper. Mara added a slight push backwards on the bed. Did Her Ladyship see it, too?

"I want to..." said Agatha. "I _need_ to explain. Firssh... _First_ , it's Agatha. You know that, right? It's _me_. Here to visit."

Mara said nothing in response, but quickened her breathing, leaned back slightly, and tightened her arms to her chest. She glanced furtively to Heather.

"Your Ladyship," said Heather, holding out a hand, "I think this may be a bad time -"

"Lemme finish, you," she said, waving it off. "You should go. This should be private."

Heather looked to her Lady, who drew back and tightened up even more. Her eyes were saucer-shaped. She returned Heather's look and shook her head quickly. Another quiet, quick whimper emerged. "Mmm!"

"I'm afraid that my Lady disagrees," said Heather.

"Mara, j'st... lissen a minute," said Agatha, still taking unsteady, but small, steps towards her. "We've both been through... a lot an' there are things I should've told you." She was almost at the foot of the bed. "So... Uh... See, I used t'be in a circus-"

**"AHHH!"**

Agatha had gotten close enough that Mara suddenly cried out and slid back on the bed hard enough to slam against its backboard. The next instant Heather was up to check her Lady for injuries, and trying to use calming words and tones. Mara's whimpers and moans were growing in intensity.

"My Lady shhhhh it's all right it's just Agatha remember you're safe it's all right you're-"

Agatha attempted a warm smile and nod. She reached for the closest of Mara's body parts, her legs, in an attempt to use a soothing touch. Her cousin was a very affectionate person who would constantly touch some part of a person while speaking, give bear hugs for greetings and goodbyes – or just because, and kiss the cheeks of those closest to her. Touching comforted, soothed, and healed her in times of pain and sorrow.

She shrieked to rival the wail of a banshee and kicked wildly. Agatha's hand was smacked; she jumped back and rubbed it before realizing that it was not injured. The shock was greater than any pain. 

**"-AHHHHHHHHHELP MEEEE-"**

"Mara...?"

" _My Lady please!_ " Heather grappled with her and tried to shout over her, both to little effect. " _You're safe here there's no reason to—Please! Mara!_ "

**"HELP MEEEEEE!"** Suddenly she lunged forward, grabbed her box of junk, and flung it at Agatha. Her Ladyship Most High's reflexes were severely impaired and did not prevent pieces from hitting her in the face. The box itself thumped against her chest an instant before her arms would have blocked it. In all, nothing had been thrown hard enough to do real damage, but sweet lightning did it hurt.

As soon as Mara had tossed her projectile, she struggled with the bed's right side railing. After failing to push it down, she vaulted herself over the railing on little more than adrenaline and terror. Heather barely managed to avoid being kicked in the face as her Lady flipped over. Her landing was much less athletic. An ankle was twisted, and she cried out in pain on top of the fear. She pushed backwards on the floor and lodged into the corner, begging for help.

The pain was quickly leaving Agatha's face, but the shock was not. She stood staring, a hand on her face. "Mara," she whispered, "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to explain-"

Heather pointed at Agatha, then the door. " _You_ need to get out! Now!" She pushed past Her Ladyship to reach her own Lady – her friend – who was now cowering on the floor in a sobbing heap.

"Don't you speak to me in that tone! Or push-"

" _Look at her!_ " Heather said, pointing. " _She's terrified of you!_ How can you not see this? Never mind, it's because you're--Look, forget my _tone_ ; I'll _carry_ you out myself if you Won't. Leave. Now!"

**"SSSOMEBODYHEEEELP!! PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEE-!!"**

**********************************

Five weeks earlier.

The fleet was making steady progress, with an expectation of four days to reach its destination: halfway around the world. Not due East for a holiday or diplomatic mission, nor West for adventures in the Americas, but South... for war. Southeast, that is, to the mysterious continent of Dinnunder. Until recently it had merited a paragraph or two in most history books as the land where England had, centuries ago, exiled its most dangerous criminals. That was the official word that anyone could get from England. More savvy historians realized that "criminals" most likely meant "anyone that threatened or simply annoyed the Crown."

Until recently Dinnunder had been as quiet as its motherland. No one outside of England had given much thought to whether anyone had survived there, let alone thrived and developed its own, heretofore unknown technology. Until recently anything brewing there might have been dismissed as "England's problem."

Until recently. Baron Klaus Wulfenbach retired peacefully, shortly after the Siege of Mechanicsburg, His Empire was divided evenly among the Sturmvoraus, Heterodyne, and of course Wulfenbach houses. Newly-minted Emperors Tarvek, Agatha and Gilgamesh dubbed it New Europa and kept the peace largely due to their own personal friendships. Still, believing one was ready for full reins of power was not the same as being ready. They maintained the peace, but not without rough spots that were only just being smoothed over. Sparks will be Sparks and sometimes rule with their Madness and not their wisdom.

Working, not quite as a team but still effectively, they had managed to eliminate all but one sky pirate: the cheerful and charming but psychotic Bangladesh Dupree. Her lone airship had been taking potshots for months and months all over New Europa: testing them, taunting them, and using technology that she clearly had gotten from a mysterious benefactor. A camouflaging shield for her airship that destroyed anything that made contact with it. Flying speeds that rivaled rocket-powered vehicles. Weapons that made death rays look like potato shooters. And no clues where the tech came from or where her next target would be.

It took an unlikely source to finally defeat the airship's technology and take it down, though the fate of Dupree herself was unknown. Bodies and wreckage had been found, but not her body. Still, the trio had their first hands-on look at the new technology for study and reverse-engineering. Now New Europa could play with camouflaging shields, too.

The source of the attacks finally became clear when the trio received a hologrammatic message from a deceptively congenial citizen of Dinnunder, who declared war on New Europa on behalf of his "Queen Matilda." And just to make a point, a Wulfenbach airship had been sliced in half by beams originating from thousands of kilometers above the earth. They were then given thirty days to evacuate all three Empires, or be destroyed.

This is why, _fifteen_ days later, the combined fleets were taking the war to them. After much debating it was decided that Tarvek Sturmvoraus would be the chief strategist for the war effort, with the Wulfenbach and Heterodyne forces providing the "muscle." Each Emperor had selected a Techmaster – or Techmistress in Agatha's case - to coordinate any technology in use among the three fleets. All of their tech needed to work together like an orchestra. A tall order for the average Spark, who jealously guarded any and all secrets, but orders were orders. On the Sturmvoraus side was Doctor Kratzenschnupp. For Wulfenbach, Professor Óriásifej, and for the Heterodyne side... the very cousin who would somehow be reduced to panic attacks by Agatha's very presence.

***

On the first day of departure the Emperors and their most senior staff gathered on the Sturmvoraus flagship. Introductions were made where needed. They went quickly and uneventfully; Doctor Kratzenschnupp seemed familiar to Mara, but she could not place him straight off. She meant to ask if he felt the same way, but his greeting was cold and abrupt, and he seemed to glare at her from then on. What had earned his apparent scorn would be determined later, if it persisted. They were here to learn the details of the Dinnunder offensive, and she did not wish to disappoint. She had even brought a fresh notepad and several pens - the only one who had arrived so prepared, it seemed.

Eight hours and a filled notepad later, somebody finally noticed that it was dark outside and that nobody had eaten. Tarvek offered his royal mess hall so they could continue the planning and strategizing. The offer was unanimously turned down, and the respective teams called it a day and filed from the room to return to their flagships. Agatha chatted amiably with her own entourage.

***

Agatha insisted that the Heterodyne dinner be for food, fun, and socializing, and nothing else. No one questioned that order.

"No more rolling dates!" Zeetha declared. "No more delays just because the world is threatened by ice slugs or mole people or ice mole slugs; two months from now, Higgs and I _will_ be married, no matter _what_ is happening that day!"

"Here, here!" said Agatha, raising her glass to clink her friends' drinks.

"I don't care if we're in the middle of a pitched battle against clank pirates while a typhoon rages," she continued. "We'll do it then and there!" She and Airman Higgs traded grins, followed by smoldering gazes.

"You've just described the _perfect_ wedding," said Higgs. Zeetha responded with a playful growl.

"Ha ha, yes... er, for you two?" said Agatha. "But who'd perform the ceremony while battling clank pirates?"

"I don't know," she said. "The ship's captain?"

"What, the pirate captain?" said Agatha with a grin.

Zeetha grimaced at the joke, then downed her drink in one gulp.

"I hope that I'm not late in congratulating you?" said Mara, "May I ask how long you've been engaged?"

Agatha gave Mara a playful nudge. "Close to a year now. You knew that."

"But I didn't," said Mara. "This is the first I've heard of it! Honestly!" She held up her glass. " _Many_ years of happiness to you both." The toast was heartily accepted by all. Zeetha and Higgs took two swigs to everyone else's one. "Would there happen to be a ring? Or... some token of that nature? My, that makes it sound awful, doesn't it?"

"Tokens?" said Zeetha. "No, we're not going in for trinkets and such. Higgs and I will honor the Skifandrian tradition of wedding _scars_." She pointed to her shoulder. "Mine will go here, and his will be on the opposite shoulder. Together they'll form Skifandrian for 'eternity.' A nice tradition, eh?"

Mara unconsciously touched her own shoulder at Zeetha's words. The many scars she'd received over the years from her father had been neither nice nor traditional. She showed a smile. "It's good to learn the traditions of other cultures. Again, I wish a long, happy, prosperous, fruitful marriage to the both of you."

"Thanks again," said Zeetha. "Ehhh, I wouldn't mind a little Higglet or two around."

"Or Zeethalings?" offered Higgs.

"Absolutely," she said. "They'll be in charge of the boys." The evening continued with more toasts and clinking of glasses, laughter and terrible singing.

****

Agatha sat alone in the observation lounge, sipping her after-dinner tea. It was pitch dark outside, and the interior lights were low to reduce reflections and provide proper ambience for her solemn mood. Most everyone else was asleep. There really was no reason for her to be awake, either, other than to take in the quiet. Once they arrived in Dinnunder, "quiet" would be all but nonexistent, so it was best to savor it now. This sort of meditation was not her custom. She should be in a lab, poring over some manifestation of SCIENCE. That's what she's expected to do. What she should-

Behind her she heard the rustling of papers accompanied by faint footsteps. Somebody stopped at the door and said "Oh!" quietly. She looked over her shoulder, prompting her cousin to smile from the doorway and step inside.

"I've been looking for you," said Mara, carrying a bundle of rolled-up schematics under her arm. She stopped, then looked up and around with a puzzled expression. "Is something wrong with the lights?"

"No," said Agatha. "I set them there."

"Ah," said Mara. " _Oh_. I see. I didn't mean to impose. We'll talk tomorrow."

"No. Stay," said Agatha, gesturing to a sofa across from her. Mara laid her schematics on it first before sitting beside them. "Why are you still awake?" Agatha asked.

"Why are you?" asked Mara.

"A fair question," said Agatha. "Too much on my mind. Maybe yours, too? You simply had to look over your designs some more. Am I right?"

"Uh... Well..." said Mara, blushing. "It's hard to stop thinking. You know how that is. I went to the lab so as not to bother Heather. Updated some designs. I thought, if you were up, too, we could review them and... But it has been a long day, and you clearly need some quiet and solitude. Perfectly understood. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Yes, we'll review them tomorrow," said Agatha. "But before you go... I just wanted to thank you for accepting my offer. I know it's a lot to ask of a _pacifist_ to join a war effort like this. But it means a lot to me that you came."

"Oh," said Mara, looking down and fidgeting. "You're very welcome, hon. But we're _all_ giving up something to be here. I'm no different. We're all responsible for protecting our homes. Our home _lands_. Loved ones. Family." She was quiet after that and became as pensive as Agatha.

"You miss them," she said.

"Yes," Mara whispered. She forced a quick laugh. "I just realized that, since we were married, Kelvin and I have never been apart. Not for more than a day. Come nightfall and we're reunited. This is the first time I've had...no one beside me at night. I'm sorry. We're supposed to be stoic and strong in times like this, and I'm not doing a good job of it."

"You _seem_ to be holding up well," said Agatha.

"Because I'm buried in work," said Mara. She rolled her eyes. " _Sparks_ , right? They can't just leave well enough alone."

Agatha chuckled. "Go to sleep, Mara. Tomorrow's another day for revising all your designs all over again."

"Yes, Ma'am," she said, grinning. She gathered up her papers, some of which had become loose and difficult to hold. Agatha preferred to watch the show rather than assist. Finally Mara managed to beat the paperwork into submission. She stood and made to leave, then instead went to Agatha's chair and bent over to kiss her cheek. "I love you, Cousin Agatha," she said.

"Likewise, Cousin Mara."


	2. Flight and Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so far!  
> \--Agatha and her amazing friends seem to be regretting their holiday plans
> 
> Any resemblance to any real nations and/or continents down under is entirely coincidental and poorly-researched,** unless articles on Cracked.com count.
> 
> **Mostly just poorly-researched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Franz takes flight, for realsies  
> -Zeetha imparts wisdom and a beat-down.
> 
> “This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment.”

\-----------------------

Franz the family dragon was more excited about his new flying harness than the two Sparks assembling it for him. Whenever he thought it had been fastened securely, he lurched towards the hangar doors. Finally Her Ladyship Most High told him in no uncertain terms that he was to wait for the "go" signal.

The harness was a set of enormous wings of light, but indestructible, metal. It was fitted to conform to Franz' own wings, and once in place could be fully retracted or expanded using his own muscles. It was not expected to be necessary for him to flap; rockets powered by self-sustaining batteries would provide the thrust. Around his chest were simple controls for adjusting the thrust and its output. He had also been supplied with armor of the same metal for his shoulders, knees and elbows. Last of all, he and Agatha each wore a headset fitted with a receiver and transmitter. Mara switched his on for him. He and Agatha went through a brief, successful test of their communicators. All was ready.

Agatha and Mara stepped back to give Franz room to test the fit, movement, and controls. He hopped around; he wiggled and jiggled and shrugged and flapped his arms to try to dislodge any pieces. The lady Sparks traded smiles, and Agatha flipped the switch to open the hangar doors. The fleet was high enough to be among the clouds; at the moment it was difficult to tell if they were above land or water.

On hand for any assistance were ten of the Guildern Guardians, the men and women from Mara's kingdom who were outfitted in their own suits of the same metal. Their armor was fully enclosed and flew by virtue of boot and hand jets rather than wings. Their flight capabilities were already well-known. Their purpose for this test flight was to assist the dragon if needed.

Once the doors were open, Agatha gave the "go" signal. Franz wasted no time bounding his way to the exit. He leaped out! and then dropped like a stone. That is, until expanding the wings to their full length and kicking on the rockets. After some shuddering and unsteadiness, Franz adapted quickly to the aerodynamics of his new toy and streaked through the clouds like he'd been bor-- constructed to it. The Guildern Guardians kicked on their own rockets and followed.

After a minute of casual flying around the fleet, Franz decided to give his "escorts" a challenge, and led them through dives, climbs, spins, banks, and slaloms. The Guardians knew their suits well and kept up with his merry chase. Back on the flagship, Agatha and Mara held on to straps and peered from the edges of landing area for any sight of him. Half of the time the fliers were out of sight, only to blast past on the way to some other touchpoint.

"Franz, any problems with the harness?" said Agatha into her transmitter. "It looks like you're-"

**"WORKING GREAT, MIST-"** his voice blasted into her ear so loudly as to cause pain. She yanked off the headset, fiddled with its volume, and redonned the device.

"Sweet lightning," she muttered. "Uhh, good to know! You've got ten more seconds, then head back in!"

**"Nooo, please, Mistress,"** he said. **"How about I stay out here the rest of the trip?? I can do it!"**

"If only you could," she said, "But we need you back at base. Return to base, Franz!"

Agatha's talkbox booped to indicate that someone was contacting her. She snapped it off her belt and switched on the screen. Gil's face popped up.

"Hello, Gil," said Agatha. "I'm a little busy at the moment. Could I-?"

"Just tell me those are yours outside," he said.

"What? Franz?" she said. "He's just testing something for me. You remember _Franz_ , right?"

" _Yes_ ," was the icy response. "We're _firm_ friends. You should've warned me first. My people were prepping to blast him and those other fliers from the sky."

"Really?" Agatha huffed. "You have your people targeting trilobite emblems?"

" _No_ ," he said, "And I ordered my people quickly to stand down. We need to give each other warnings when there are air maneuvers."

"All right, fine, that one's on me," she said. "Won't happen again."

"Just don't let them crash into any of my ships," he said. "See you at lunch."

Both rulers clicked off their talkboxes. Agatha had not put hers away, when it booped at her again. She sighed and clicked it on. " _Yes_ , Tarvek, they're mine, no need to-"

" _Agatha_ -" said Mara, peering intently outside with a look of great concern.

"One moment."

"Is that Franz?" said Tarvek. "Those are all your people, yes? They're not Gil's-"

" **Yes** , it's just a test flight, you'll be warned next time, I'll-"

" **Agatha**!" yelled Mara an instant before kicking out her legs and pushing her flat to the ground. The talkbox flew from Agatha's hand and clattered along the floor. Mara pinned herself on top of Agatha to shield her. The tip of one of Franz's wings missed her head by centimeters as he shot into the hangar deck at full speed. The Guardians followed instantly, trying in vain to grab hold of the beast.

**"Reverse thrust! Reverse thrust!"** Mara yelled over the din of the rockets.

**"WHICH BUTTON IS THAT??"** the dragon shouted to anyone who could answer. Too late, Franz's landing was stopped...by the wall entirely at the other end of the deck. He managed to retract the wings and tuck into a ball the instant before impact, and was now partially embedded in the wall. His wing harness and armor may have been indestructible, but the hangar walls were not. The Guardians were at his side immediately, tugging and pushing at any piece they could grab, and cutting away debris with their heat beams.

Mara jumped up and began running his way, then remembered to assist Agatha back to her feet and check her status – uninjured! - before racing off. Agatha snatched up her talkbox and followed, giving a rushed explanation to Tarvek along the way. "Just a minor hitch, nothing to worry about, we're fine, we're all fine here now, thank you! How are you?"

"Uh... Relieved, as long as you're fine," said Tarvek. "See you at lunch?"

"Wouldn't miss it!" >click<

Franz was also unharmed, but was annoyed by his graceless landing and requested another go at it. He was overruled by Her Ladyship. No damage to the harness was expected, but would be examined, anyway. The Guardians, having landed quite gracefully, requested and got permission to practice their aerial maneuvers some more. This time Agatha warned her co-rulers ahead of time.

Franz stared at the Princess as she assisted Agatha with removing the harness. "Mr. Franz," said Mara, "Do you have any comments or suggestions for us? Did you feel tired or overtaxed at any time?"

**"No,"** he said. **"It felt great. Your Highness."**

"You _looked_ great," said Agatha, smiling. "Don't worry; you'll have another chance at it. Perhaps after lunch? Mara, you'll be joining us?"

"Hm?" she said. "Oh, thank you, but I'm afraid that I'll be meeting with the Techmasters instead. Comparing notes and so on. You know, I finally remembered why Dr. Kratzenschnupp seemed so familiar to me. He and I... Well, we _tried_ to work together before. Back when I was seeking other Sparks to help me revive Guildern's tech? Unfortunately, it didn't work out. Too many differences in opinions."

"And now here you are, working with him again," said Agatha. "Will this be a problem?"

"Ah," she said, considering her answer first. She shook her head. "I don't think so. I mean, I know so. After all, our work could mean life or death for our people. We _have_ to work together."

"Good attitude," said Agatha. "Franz, we'll let you know when you can have another go at this, all right?"

" **Yes, Mistress** ," he said. As the women turned to leave, he held up a finger. Er, claw. **"Mistress: if I may?"**

"Certainly. Do you need something?"

**"Not exactly,"** he said. **"I only wanted you to know that, even if you won't tell me, I know."**

"That's... good to know?" said Agatha.

Franz rubbed his chin, then gestured quickly with his head towards Mara. **"I know about her,"** he said. **"The new kid. Look: I was made by Heterodynes. I've served the House for _many_ years. I know one when I see one. Or smell one, anyway."**

"Ah," said Agatha. It was her turn to rub her chin in thought. "Franz, you should understand that-"

**"You don't have to explain yourself, Your Ladyship,"** he said. **"I just want you to know that I know."**

"Um..." said Mara, fidgeting, as was her habit, "Mr. Franz, I would- _We_ would appreciate the utmost discretion on your part. In case there's any curiosity, we're cousins. Ah, third cousins. Discovered entirely by accident, I might add! But-but that particular lineage about me is not common knowledge."

**"Sure, sure,"** he said. **"It's still a secret. I suppose you got your reasons. Does anyone else know?"**

"Oh," said Agatha, "A few. Me, of course. And the Castle, _very_ important. Then Gil, Tarvek, Zeetha, Higgs, the Jägers – naturally – um, Violetta, Krosp, Otilia (I think?), Theo, Sleipnir, Von Zinzer, Fraulein Snaug, and Mara's assistant Heather. And possibly Dr. Sun. Mara, did I miss anyone?"

She shrugged. "My family, of course. My in-laws. My husband. My children. Their nanny-"

**"Kids,"** said Franz. **"You have kids."**

"Yes," Mara gushed. "Three beautiful children. Oh! And my oldest's Spark has already emerged! In fact, the day before I left, she-"

"Mara, that's fine, that's fine." said Agatha, waving her down. "Anyway, Franz: you must not tell anyone else about this! Understood?"

He stared at each alternately before replying. **"Is there anyone left to tell?"**

**********************

"Focus."

{Guard, turn, parry, dodge, spin, thrust}

" _Focus_."

{Guard, turn, parry, dodge, spin, thrust}

"I _am_ focused. Stop saying that."

{Guard, turn, parry, dodge, spin, thrust}

"Zumil, I've seen toddlers that pay more attention!"

"Did you just say-?" said Agatha. "Oh, _now_ you've done it. I-!"

WHAM! Agatha was face-down on the mat before she could speak another syllable. A thousand responses to this indignity coursed through her mind in a second – perhaps two. After three seconds, her final decision was to allow Zeetha to stand over her and cluck.

"You should not be on the floor right now," she said.

"I agree with you," said Agatha to the floor.

"No, I mean that you've parried that attack many times before. Practically in your sleep by now. Why didn't you this time?"

"You tell me, kolee," sighed Agatha. "What special technique did I fail to-?"

" _Will you stop that, and stand tall before me??_ " said Zeetha. She reached down to yank on Agatha's belt to pull her to her knees.

****

"Ow!" said Agatha, hopping to her feet. She rubbed her back. "What?? I missed one attack. These things happen."

"Yes," said Zeetha. "And then you're _dead_. Why did you accept this training match if I'd have to be holding back the whole time?"

Agatha sputtered for a second, then looked over her glasses at her. " _Excuse me?_ You were _not_ holding back. You're just trying to be insulting to get a rise out of me."

"Your lack of focus insults _me_ ," said Zeetha.

"If that was 'holding back,' then fine. Stop it. _I_ won't!"

"Good!" said Zeetha. "We'll see if you've progressed to Toddler by now!" Agatha swung hard at her jaw - _just_ wide enough to telegraph the attack. Zeetha parried and used Agatha's momentum to spin her even faster. It was not a clumsy attack so much as one that would not work against a well-trained warrior, such as a Skifandrian Princess.

Agatha was eating the mat again. This time she rolled away from Zeetha's foot stomp and back into a standing position. They squared off. Zeetha was perfectly still. Not even her breathing was apparent. Agatha feinted, which got no response – not even a flicker. Next she used an attack that had surprised and impressed Zeetha before. This time there was neither a surprise nor an impression; Agatha coughed as Zeetha's knee slammed into her belly, but she did not fall. The pain and now, anger, spurred her into a flurry of attacks. When they were all defended against, her anger became rage. She roared and let loose with an even fiercer, wilder blur of attacks that were sure to show her teacher all about "focus."

Jab, jab, palm, elbow, kick, spin, jab-WHAM.

Zeetha knelt down beside Agatha. There was no clucking. No sighing. Only silence. Agatha tried to convince herself that the floor smelled nice.

"Talk to me," said Zeetha without a hint of anger, or even disappointment.

"I don't know what you mean," she said. "I'm having an 'off' day. We all do. I just need my coffee."

"You don't drink coffee."

"I'm going to start again," said Agatha. "I accomplished quite a lot the last time."

"Get up," said Zeetha. When Agatha hesitated, she slapped her behind, hard. "Get! Up!"

" **Ow**! I'm getting, I'm getting!" she said, dragging herself up. "You know, striking your Empress is probably treason. Or some serious crime, I'm sure."

"You are not _my_ 'Empress,' and I am not joking," said Zeetha.

"Why are you so angry with me?" said Agatha. "What have I done?"

"Nothing," said Zeetha. "That's my point. My anger is- It comes from concern. I'm _worried_ about you. We're on our way to a _war_ , and I see that my neglect in your training has cost you dearly."

"Oh, now, wait a min-"

" _Do not interrupt, zumil_ ," said Zeetha. Agatha's eyes widened. She had not seen Zeetha this determined in quite some time. "First, I owe you an apology. I have been remiss in my duties to you. I could blame wedding preparations and... time with Higgs, but in the end, it is no excuse! You have come far in your training. I am very proud of you. But the pledge I made to you those years ago was for a lifetime! I must reaffirm that pledge. I must resume your warrior training."

Agatha stifled a scoff, but slipped in a small shrug. "Zeetha, there's no need to be so... dramatic about this. I'm not the uncertain girl that I was when we met. I don't suppose you've noticed all the things I've accomplished over the years?"

"Yes," she said. "They're all very nice. That doesn't change the fact that you've been greatly unfocused of late, and I don't mean just here, now. I mean in general."

"Could you be more vague about that?" said Agatha. When her joke was dead on arrival, she shrugged again, as casually as she could. "I have a lot on my mind. The burden of the crown. We're on our way to war. Things like that."

"I've been seeing this before war," said Zeetha. "In the last few months. Perhaps longer. It's why I apologized. I haven't been the kolee that you deserve."

"You have been a _wonderful_ kolee, Zeetha," said Agatha. "I couldn't ask for anyone better."

"What is 'on your mind?'" she said, ignoring the compliment. "What thoughts press on you so much that it risks your life?"

Agatha furrowed her brow momentarily, then let her expression soften. She turned partly away from Zeetha and scratched the back of her neck in thought. After a long pause that tested Zeetha's patience, Agatha glanced behind herself, to the door, then went to it and made sure it was shut. Then she locked it.

"This doesn't leave the room," she said.

"Done."

Agatha waited for more – perhaps another solemn proclamation – but when there was silence, she sighed and gathered her courage. 

"Something's wrong with my Spark." She stopped to give Zeetha the opportunity to react, but got nothing more than a perplexed raise of an eyebrow. 

"It's become... unreliable," she continued. "It's hard to explain, but when it's there, it's _there_ , and I can think and create and repair just as well as I ever could, since it had pushed through. But when _not_ , it's... it's not quite like when I first had the locket. The locket suppressed it, but it was always there, _trying_ to push through, but unable to. Now, the Madness still happens, but when the Spark has ebbed, it goes nowhere. I'll go into my lab – on those rare occasions when I _can_ \- and work for hours, from dusk to dawn and dawn to dusk, _and have nothing to show for it_. Nothing useful. Nothing that laughs at the laws of physics or turns the world of SCIENCE on its head! Nothing that would win any prize at a Spark science fair. I may as well be making gingerbread steam engines and quilting bees!"

"Why would bees-?"

"My last real project was trying to make the Fun-MADDs fly," she said. "That was months ago. You might recall some of the results."

"Hm," said Zeetha. "Wait, is that why the river was on fire?"

Agatha did not reply, and was lost in thought. Zeetha noticed her hand brushing against the locket while thinking. Then: "It's something I've realized only recently. Until now it was easy to dismiss away as being too busy with affairs of state and the burdens of the crown and whatnot. Even Tarvek has lamented not having time to properly experiment. But you and I know that I've accomplished some pretty decent things when under pressure and no time. And now I... Sometimes I've used Dyne water as a booster."

Zeetha said, "Isn't that the stuff that could _blow you up_ if you're not careful?"

"Which is why I'm careful," said Agatha, a note of defensiveness creeping in. "And if it eases your concerns, I can't use it this far from Mechanicsburg. From its source. As for the cause, I'm thinking that..." She trailed off again. Then: "The last time we tried to get _her_ out of me, we... Well, you know that it failed. She's still here. And Gil and Tarvek took the locket and reworked it. Improved it, so that she's no longer scratching at the back of my mind. To the point where sometimes I'd almost forget that she's there. _Almost_. But... I _think_ they made it too well. I think it's suppressing my Spark again, too, but in a different way."

Agatha's voice was small. "And yet: sometimes it feels as though my Spark is being attacked. Not suppressed: e _roded_. But I have ideas about that, too. Not just the new locket, but the more I think about it, the more I think it began with _her_ being put into me in the first place. She invaded my mind, and she's been trying to take over ever since. This is nothing new for you, but... Over three years, Zeetha. She's been _in here_ for just over three years, and we haven't been able to _get. her. **out**!_ Every time we try, she fights back harder. She can _tell_ that we're trying to remove her, and she _fights_. And because she does, I think she's been causing damage, even if not intending to. Of _course_ she would want my Spark intact. But I'm almost at a point where I don't care about the consequences of getting her out."

"What would those be?"

Agatha smiled and shrugged nervously. "Brain damage," she said. "Of any and all sorts. Memory, personality. The last of my Spark." She took in a sharp breath. "Death. The last is worst-case."

For the first time in a long time, Agatha looked lost to Zeetha. Vulnerable, Even frightened. She wasn't even maintaining eye contact. Zeetha next spoke gently. "Zumil. Hey." Agatha looked up. "I have no doubt that you will conquer this. You're one of-No, _the_ strongest person that I know. And that says much! You've conquered every obstacle in your path, and this will be no different!"

"Not _every_ obstacle," said Agatha, again brushing against her locket. She looked down to consider an answer, but when she looked up, she needed to remove her glasses to mop up the moisture in her eyes.

"Hey," said Zeetha, holding out her arms. "Hey." Agatha was reluctant to accept, so Zeetha pulled her in. Gently, but with a firmness not to be resisted. Agatha sniffled but was still fighting any emotional escalation. "You'll find a way, zumil. You always do. And never forget that you're not alone. You're not just my student, but my sister. And I love you, even when you're being an idiot."

"...Thanks?"

"You're welcome," said Zeetha in all sincerity. "And what are the boys doing to help solve this?"

Agatha pulled away. She seemed genuinely perplexed. "Dimo, and Maxim, and-?"

"What? _The boys!_ Gil and Tarvek!"

"Oh," said Agatha, and looked down again.

After a brief silence, Zeetha huffed, "They _don't know?_ Agatha-!"

"I said that this doesn't leave the room!"

"And it won't!" said Zeetha. "Not by me, but _you_ can't keep something like _this_ from them! Why do you think I called you an idiot?"

"Because-! I-!" After some sputtering, Agatha righted herself. She threw up her hands. "Think of me what you will, but I'm trusting only _you_ with this right now. I will tell them, but this is not the time. For now, it stays in this room."

" _What?_ "

Agatha said, "Gil can't find Klaus' research on the Spark, and he refuses to say. Klaus either took his research with him, or hid it on Castle Wulfenbach. Either way, Gil doesn't have it here with him. And if I tell them now, what do you think will happen? You know as well as I do that they'll drop everything and focus only on that and ignore the war!"

Zeetha glard. "You don't know that." Then her features softened, and she sighed. "All right; they probably would. But maybe they _should_. Let your Techmeister people deal with the war. Leave instructions with your Generals. Let your cousin take over as The Heterodyne for a while." Agatha arched an eyebrow at that. "Or... she is one, yes? Heterodyne?""

"Yes," said Agatha. "But it's not common knowledge. She's not going to reveal herself until after we return. And she isn't the 'take over' sort. Not on purpose, anyway. Zeetha, I always appreciate your advice, but-"

Zeetha threw up her hands in frustration. "But you're not going to take it. Don't give me that look; I can tell. And why so much secrecy, for Ishtara's sake?! Does anyone but me know about your Spark? Are there still people who don't know about your mother? Will you ever make up your mind about the boys? In Skifander, we have a saying: 'Release your bowels, or leave the piss bowl!'"

Agatha screwed up her face in disgust. "What kind of saying is that?"

"It's a loose translation," said Zeetha. "Perhaps a better one is-"

"What do you mean, make up my mind about the boys?" said Agatha. "About what?"

Zeetha stared at her in befuddlement, then threw up her hands again. "Am I talking to a pishkuru?" Off Agatha's puzzled look: "Never mind. You know what I mean about the boys. In fact, it could be, uh, another reason for your lack of focus. For your Spark being...unreliable."

"I still don't-"

"Not just you," said Zeetha, "But all three of you are a mess. You, Tarvek, Gil. Years ago a glorious friendship was forged. Glorious! But now, you three are known for your constant _bickering_ , not your fantastic deeds or creations! You won't even go to them for this crisis!"

"Because there's another crisis that takes precedence!" said Agatha. "And I said, we don't have the lab equipment here to deal with it; have you been listening to me?"

"Yes, but now you must listen to me!" said Zeetha. "You three are deluding yourselves and have been for far too long, and it is eating and picking and pecking at each of you, and at _your_ level, that leads only to disaster! You three have been pining for each other for years, and you cannot pretend that you're not pining still!"

Zeetha folded her arms and nodded once for emphasis. Her wisdom had been dished out, and her zumil would feast upon it.

" _Are you out of your mind??_ " said Agatha. "Are you--? Did you--? I'm all but literally losing my mind, and you think this is about _sex_? _Really?_ "

" _Everything_ is," said Zeetha. "It has brought low the fiercest warriors, started wars, fueled tyranny and subjugation. And it has reduced the three of you to snippy, snappy, yipping... Well, I can't think of a word, but the three of you need to find a bedroom, lock yourselves in, and work it out once and for all!" Agatha gasped. "Do not underestimate the healing power of the bedroom, zumil!"

"Zeetha, you go too far!" Agatha snapped, then fought to restrain herself, for her friend's sake. "I-I appreciate your attempt at counsel, but-No, I have things to do and places to be. We're done for today."

She moved with purpose to the door and had just laid her hand on the knob, when Zeetha held out her palm. "Wait! Before you storm out that door, give it one minute. It's all I ask of you. One minute to think about my 'attempt' at counsel. If you still think I'm wrong, and you're still angry, then go on your way, and I'll never speak of it again."

Agatha took half a minute. She kept her hand on the knob all the while, then breathed deeply before facing her friend again. "We _can't_ be together," she said softly. "We can't have anything permanent. I can't marry Gil or Tarvek and have their children or- Our lands. Our roles and responsibilites. We've divided them evenly. We three agreed to be in balance. For the sake of balance, no marriages, no children with each other. It would tip the scales."

"Oh, for-! Find someone else, then!"

Agatha threw out her arms and began pacing. "Ah, well, how could I not have thought of that? Of course! A _third_ man to make things even more complicated!"

"I am serious!" Zeetha snapped. "You do nothing to ease your... tension, and it eats you from the inside! In Skifander we have a saying. It loosely translates to: 'You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick-"

"Oh, _enough_ ," said Agatha. "No more 'loose translations,' _please_. And as for them, I-We-" Agatha stopped abruptly. She rubbed the top of her head and paced a little. When she next spoke, it was quiet, but firm. "We can't have anything permanent between us." Then quieter, but not quite a whisper: "No matter how much we want to."

Zeetha nodded solemnly and clapped a hand on her shoulder. "At last you admit it. This is good. Even if you don't resolve it _now_ , on the edge of war, you have acknowledged it." She tapped Agatha's chest in emphasis. "And you cannot ignore it. You must face and conquer it, one way or another! It may not lift this mental block you have – not right away – but it's a step towards healing. That is _also_ a warrior's tool. Not just fighting."

Agatha opened her mouth as if to reply, then relaxed it. She looked her friend in the eyes. There was so much more to be said, but sometimes actions worked best. She sank into Zeetha's arms and held her tightly in a long embrace. Zeetha held on as long as her friend needed it.

"Thank you," Agatha whispered after they parted. The two stood in awkward silence a moment before Agatha straightened up. "You might be amused to know that I'm off to lunch now with them. Gil and Tarvek."

"Excellent!" said Zeetha. "You'll have _much_ to discuss."

"Not now," she said. "Not yet." Zeetha gave her a Look. "You know, this 'triangle' puts all the burden on _me_. It's not fair. _They_ should be finding other people, too!" {Stare.} "Look, I will think about broaching one or both of the subjects, but I make no promises. We can't afford, uh, uh, distractions." {Stare.} "Zeetha, I don't know what you expect to accomplish by staring at me."

"It was worth a try," said Zeetha. "Enjoy your lunch. Try to get strawberries for dessert."

"Ah... all right."

" _Chocolate-covered_ strawberries," she said, nodding and smirking. Agatha only stared in confusion. "Ugh. Never mind. _Enjoy your meal_."


	3. Lovingly-crafted Awkwardness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so far!  
> \--Franz flies very well. But still cheats a little.  
> \--Zeetha dishes it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Agatha tries to pick a dessert, and a topic
> 
>  
> 
> “This story is not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with Studio Foglio LLC or Airship Entertainment.”

\--------------------

The three Emperors clinked glasses, drained their drinks, and "ahhhed" at the same time. They blinked, then chuckled about the serendipity. A tension breaker! Agatha thought this to be a good time to bring up her talk with Zeetha.

Gil beat her to conversation. "I managed to convince Bohrlaikha to let me add a coating of the new steel to her outer shell," he said. "Just two millimeters. That's the thickest before it interferes with movement."

Tarvek rolled his eyes. "You and your belligerent clanks. Having to 'convince' one of anything? That's what failsafes are for."

" _You're_ welcome to talk to her about that," said Gil. "Beside, Father built her. She was a Christmas gift before he retired. One of his 'tests' was that I had to convince her to work _with_ me, not _for_ me. It was a more challenging debate than I expected, but it worked out. Now I just have to convince her to let me run tests on the coating after it's applied."

"Failsafes," Tarvek muttered under his breath.

"That reminds me of a funny story," said Agatha. The men swiveled their heads her way. "Today... Do you happen to know what our dessert is?"

Gil only shrugged.

"Chocolate ganache cake, I think," said Tarvek. "But we could request anything we like."

Agatha propped her head on a hand and drummed her fingers. "Strawberries?"

Gil snapped his fingers for a minion. One was at his side immediately. "Her Ladyship will have strawberries for dessert."

" _No_ ," she said. "I'm not asking for strawberries!" She glanced at the puzzled minion. "Just some mixed nuts, please."

The minion bowed. "At once, Your Ladyship Most High," he said, and prepared to bring more mixed nuts than were already present in the room.

" _And_ thecake!"

"...Of course, Your Ladyship Most High."

The minion finally managed to leave the room after receiving all dessert orders. Agatha was pleased with her choice. Almonds with ganache would offer a lovely mix of smooth crunchiness and rich sweetness to-

"Agatha," said Gil. She snapped from her reverie. "You said something about a funny story?"

"Oh!" she said. "Right." She almost finished off her wine, then thought better of it. "Ah... Just before lunch... Franz's flight test went _very_ well today. I think his aerial attacks will be quite formidable. Though it's the landings that need work."

"Kinks in the braking system?" said Tarvek.

"He has retro rockets," she said. "He just needs to get used to all the controls."

The men waited for something like a punchline, and when there was none, they assumed it was a "had to be there" story, and resumed eating and drinking in silence. Agatha poked at her food more than was proper for a personage of her rank, and caught herself drumming her fingers again.

"That's not really what I meant to talk about," she said, "Or yes, it was, but... See, Zeetha and I were talking, and... Oh, you know her. She says what's on her mind and doesn't pull punches. Literally doesn't pull them. We were sparring, too." She chuckled to herself, then looked up to see her co-rulers watching her with somewhat puzzled looks. "Anyway, she brought up how... tense we've all been for some time, and... had a funny suggestion-"

"Your Majesties!" two excited voices came from the corridor. An instant later, the Techmasters Professor Óriásifej and Doctor Kratzenschnupp were in the doorway, both trying to enter simultaneously. That bit of physical comedy ended when Óriásifej pushed in first.

"Your Majesties, we must speak with you!" he said.

"Gentlemen," said Agatha through clenched teeth, "This is not a good time."

"We beg forgiveness, Your Ladyship Most High," said Kratzenschnupp, bowing, "But your Majesties, is it not your mandate that we share all our technology for this venture?"

"That is the mandate, yes," said Tarvek.

"Then someone must explain it to that woman!" said Óriásifej.

Agatha cocked an eyebrow. "' _That woman_?'"

"Not Your Ladyship Most High," said Kratzenschnupp. "Of course not. But are we or are we not entitled to the Heterodyne batteries? Your- Please don't destroy us where we stand for saying this, but your _Princess_ refuses to provide the power we need for our own designs!"

"That's quite an accusation," said Tarvek. He looked her way. "Agatha?"

She did not meet his gaze, but continued glaring at the Techmasters. "I'm sure there are two sides. _I_ will look into this."

"Please do, Your Ladyship Most High," said Óriásifej. "It's bad enough that her own designs are so... tame. All 'nonlethal,' as though that will aid us. And she clearly has no academic credentials, but-!"

"Stop right there," said Gil.

Too late for him. Agatha had already slammed her fists on the table and was standing.

Tarvek held up both hands. "Look, we can work out these impediments-"

" _How dare you_ ," she growled. " _How dare you barge in like this and interrupt an **important** conversation, **just to complain about my Techmistress?? Someone bring me a death ray! Now!**_"

The two men cringed and covered their eyes, daring only to peek through their fingers. "Please don't disintegrate us, Your Ladyship Most High!"

"Nobody is being disintegrated!" said Gil. "Yes, Agatha, that was out of line. But at least talk to her and sort this out!"

" _That was my intention!_ " she said. " _Then he had to add insults!_ "

A minion had dutifully wheeled over a sampling of lovingly-crafted death rays for Her Ladyship to choose from. Gil angrily ordered him away, earning a glare from Agatha and gratitude from the Techmasters.

Kratzenschnupp's voice had become a squeak. "We meant only to serve our great cause! To-to bring any obstacles to your attention! Yes, your Majesty?" he added, appealing to his Storm King.

" _Privately_ would have been best," muttered Tarvek.

_"As I said,"_ Agatha said, " _ **I** will speak with Mrs. Mouseheart and get this sorted out."_ She pointed at her co-rulers. " _Please get them sorted out!_"

"Agatha, wait," said Tarvek. "You needn't storm out _now_. Sit. Have some dessert. Finish your story. _Then_ storm out."

Agatha considered his advice. At least her Madness seemed to have been calmed. Mmmm, the Madness. A welcome occurrence. And yet-

She shook her head. "We need privacy for that, and now I've... Never mind; I'll finish it later. Dinner! See you at dinner, gentlemen." 

With that, she moved determinedly - not stormed - from the room, just passing a minion bringing in their desserts. He glanced her way, then thought better of trying to stop her. He continued bringing the tray to the remaining Emperors' table. Suddenly Agatha had returned to the room and was beside him. She quickly found her nuts and cake, took the plate, and then ~~stormed out~~ left the room determinedly again.

******************

The talkboxes made finding each other simple. Mara was in the ship's laboratory, just as she usually was. Her back was to Agatha and by all appearances was quite engrossed in her work. Agatha was poised to knock, then listened a bit to her cousin's slightly-tuneful  humming. At one point Mara held a note - a rather flat one, alas - then cut it short and followed it with a frustrated sigh. It occurred to Agatha that she had never heard Mara sing before. And because of this, did not know if Mara could heterodyne or not.

Agatha brought up her knuckles to knock-

"Come on in, hon," said Mara. She straightened up and turned around. She held a small soldering iron and wore triple-magnification goggles to aid in the delicate work. She flipped up the goggles. Her pupils were dilated - one of the few clues of Mara being in the Madness. She did not yell or gloat or make elaborate threats or monologue or gesture dramatically to the skies. It was almost like an _un_ Madness. Hardly proper form for a Mad Scientist, to not behave madly. She often muttered to herself, though. That was a start.

"If you're here to talk," she said cheerfully, "I hope you don't mind if I continue working on this. It needs a bit of attention."

"And what is 'this?'" asked Agatha, already beside her.

"Adjustments to my suit," she said. "When on that pirate woman's ship - er, Captain Dundee-"

"Dupree."

"Really?" she said, and smacked her own forehead. "Oh, my goodness, you're right. Will I ever get her name right? Uh... er, anyway, at one point she threw flash grenades at me, and those did have the intended effect. So I'm adjusting the internal sensors to be able to detect and counter that sort of attack."

"For all of the suits, or just yours?"

"Assuming it works, all of them," said Mara. "And beyond. Do you want to help me test it?"

"Certainly," said Agatha. "Just say when." Mara smiled and resumed her work. Agatha leaned in to watch, then saw something moving quickly on the cluttered worktable. She peered into the clutter to search for any other movement. The most likely cause was some random part acting up, or even one of her dingbots skittering about.

" **Hey!** " said Agatha, yanking back her hand as a small, humanoid clank suddenly appeared to her right. It had managed to sneak over and leap into the air. It held a tiny sword and was preparing to plunge it into her hand! Agatha reacted just in time for it to stab at the wooden table instead.

"What was-?" said Mara, and gasped. " **Sturm!** " The clank was dodging Agatha's attempts to grab it and was ducking behind other objects on the worktable. " _Sturm, stop that this instant and get over here!_ " The clank stopped evading Agatha, who paused in her attempts to capture it to see how obedient it might be. Mara pointed firmly to a spot in between her and Agatha. After a second of hesitation, the clank let its head and sword droop, and it trudged over as contritely as a clank could.

" _What was that?_ " said Mara, wagging her finger. " _Did you just try to attack her?_ " It looked to Agatha, then shrugged. "Don't give me that! She is not a threat! In fact, she is our Empress and Commander of the Heterodyne fleet! Now you apologize immediately!"

"Sturm" the clank looked to Agatha, then dropped to its knees and held its hands together as if in supplication. It was now that Agatha could tell that, beside being painted in the Mouseheart colors - black, red, and yellow - its face and hands were green. Its face had been further detailed to resemble-

Agatha chuckled. It even had a little hat. A _nice_ little hat. "You're forgiven, Sturm," she said, and held out her hand. It stood up and allowed her to pick it up and examine it more closely. It stood about 22 centimeters high and was well-articulated. Other than resembling something that a baby Jäger might play with, it reminded her of a certain harlequin-like clank that Mara had made before.

"It didn't hurt you, did it?" said Mara. Agatha shook her head. "Isabel made it for me. To protect me, don't you know. Perhaps a little bit _too_ enthusiastically. It even harassed Heather before I set it straight."

" _Isabel_ made this?" said Agatha. "Well! That explains the Jäger look. Is this her first full clank?"

"Yes," said Mara proudly. "And at such a young age! Not even five. And yes, I see it, too, that her design is similar to my _other_ clank. In which case, I'll understand if you don't trust it and want it stored safely away somewhere. You'll let me know? I would have left it in Guildern, but she insisted that I take it with me, you see."

Agatha gave the clank another once-over. "Keep it out for now. _But don't make me regret that_."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Both women were quiet. Mara resumed her soldering. Agatha set down Sturm, which did not skitter away or make any threatening moves this time, but stood near the women. Agatha watched her cousin work while speaking. "How did your meeting with the Techmasters go?"

"Oh... Some philosophical differences to work through," said Mara, "But we'll be a well-oiled machine yet."

"Hm," said Agatha, nodding. "What sort of 'differences' need to be worked through?"

"Oh... Nothing unexpected," said Mara. "They adhere to the general philosophy of 'All weapons must kill.' That sort of thinking. I happen not to."

"Mara..." said Agatha, "You can't argue that nothing _you've_ made won't kill anyone."

"A _pen_ can kill someone if you stab them in the right place with it," said Mara. "Or choke them, or poison them slowly and painfully by injecting them with its ink. Everything I make _can_ be used to kill. But it won't be their primary purpose. You know this already. You've seen my designs and specs from the start. You offered me the position, knowing that I will destroy their soldiers' equipment, their weapons, their clanks... everything except the soldiers themselves. Except those devices meant to stop them in their tracks. But I will never _intend_ to kill anyone." She glowered and dropped the pitch in her voice. "Or are you here to tell me otherwise?"

" _Whoa_ ," said Agatha, holding up her hands. "Slow down. _Calm down_. Look... It's true that the Techmasters made some claims. I'm here to investigate them. What happened in your meeting?"

Mara set aside her equipment, including the goggles. She sighed and rubbed her face. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Um... We reviewed each other's work. Traded notes. They'll take my designs and make them lethal, I'm sure. Just as I'm adapting theirs to make them _nonlethal_ , but no less effective. Whatever wins the war, yes? Also, they somehow got the impression that we - as in, the Heterodynes - are responsible for supplying the _entire_ fleet with our power source."

"The batteries."

"Yes," said Mara. "Look, how the rest of the fleet wants to power their devices is their business. They have my specs. If they want _our_ batteries, they know how to make them! Or... or was there an order given that I didn't hear, or misunderstood? Was I supposed to have been making them all this while?"

"No," said Agatha. She added a pat to the shoulder with her second 'No.' It was her turn to sigh. "There's a saying that poor communication kills."

"Ironic," said Mara, "Given that we have standard-issue, instantaneous communicators." She gestured to her talkbox lying nearby.

"Great," said Agatha. "Another meeting, then. Emperors and Techmasters. As soon as possible, I should think. Before dinner. I reserve that time for talking to the boys privately."

"Just let me know when and where," said Mara. "Speaking of communication... Just for curiosity's sake... Is there anything else they said that I should know about?"

Agatha thought a moment. Then: "I'll put that same question to you."

After her usual bit of fidgeting, Mara shrugged. "Nothing that really bothers _me_ , per se. A _smidgen_ of questioning my eligibility for my role. My 'credentials.' You know how academics are; they want to examine your diplomas."

"So they _did_ -!" said Agatha, then cut herself off before getting worked up again. "Mara, you realize that you have my full support and encouragement to pickle them both and display them in a jar, if they show you any disrespect again?" She spoke this with a mixture of truth, and with trying to get her cousin's attention. It worked, but she was hoping for a wry smile and not a look of shock and horror.

"Er, my point," she continued, "Is that I won't stand for them speaking against you, and neither should you."

Mara's look of horror faded. "Yes, it is a good point. Not the... the pickling part, though. Look: I realize that by Spark standards, I appear weak to most. I'm not very good at bluster and posturing. I'm sure that you must find me embarrassing at times."

Agatha leaned in to peer at her. "I can't tell if you really meant that or not."

"It was a poor joke," said Mara, waving it off. "We'll forget it."

"I'm trying to _help_ you," said Agatha.

Mara smiled, and then surprised her with a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. "I appreciate that very much. What I really meant by 'embarrassing' you is whether _your_ choices are being questioned because of me. If your own 'credentials' are coming into question, because they perceive me as some, er, uneducated, nobody Spark running an amusement park. Because that, I wouldn't abide. What they think of _me_ doesn't bother me, but if _your_ reputation is being challenged-"

Agatha held up her hands. "All right, wait, wait. Clearly we're both protective of the other. And that's good! It is. Then we'll leave it at this: you're a dear for worrying about me. But you don't have to. I've got big shoulders. And big fists!" The implied threat of violence didn't get the smile from Mara that she'd hoped, so Agatha leaned in closer and lowered her voice. "Also, this is a... I wouldn't say a secret. Just not common knowledge. Technically, _I_ have no 'credentials,' either. I never did properly graduate from TPU. Oh, they quickly cobbled together an honorary degree for me, and some other universities have, too, but you see my point. They're welcome to question _my_ eligibility." She grinned and winked. Now Mara responded positively, and smiled back.

Mara chided herself inwardly for any doubts about Agatha or her shoulders. The Heterodyne Girls would have each other's backs, come hell or high water. That was a certainty.


End file.
